Relationship jokes
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
What’s the difference between your sister and a bowling ball?
I can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
I had a good time with friends!
"Lemme clap your girl's booty cheeks, daddy papi."
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?
One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’
I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.
Mom: You will make me kill myself.
Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!