Relationship jokes

Why can't orphans have a girlfriend?

They have no one to call "daddy."

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?

Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?

"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."

And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

Why do any orphans have sex?

Because they can't call anyone "daddy."

Hey.

Girl: Hey.

Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.

Girl: What?

It says "spray on flat surfaces."

I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.

And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?

What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

Lady: Will you fuck me?

Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!

What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?

I haven’t banged a hooker.

Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.

"Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else."

I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.

Mom: Son, did you go to school?

Son: What if I said yes?

Mom: You are in school! *slap*

Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.

Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(

Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.

Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!

Son: Good.

Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?

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