Relationship jokes
My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
Why can't an orphan be gay? It has no one to call daddy.
What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.
"Lemme clap your girl's booty cheeks, daddy papi."
I had a good time with friends!
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.