Relationship jokes
Just a pickup line.
"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
Hello, I am Ren, sister of Gwen.
I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.
I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."
If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.
Hi! I love my dog.
Mom!
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher? Because there was no chemistry...
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
What did the boyfriend say to his girlfriend?
When your cousin dies and everybody thinks you're her.
FUCKING MENT
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
Your mom gay.