Relationship jokes

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.

Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.

What’s the speed limit in bed?

It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.

I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

My dad and I were fishing one day.

That’s where he met my stepmom.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!

Bestfriend @3am: I love you.

Me: Love you too.

*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*

I don't know if this is funny.

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)

Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.