Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Relationship Jokes
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...
I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
"Lemme clap your girl's booty cheeks, daddy papi."
I had a good time with friends!
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle?
My girlfriend didn't go to jail for loving me.
Why don’t you see gay orphans at a daycare?
They have no one to call "daddy."
So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.
