Relationship jokes

I had a good time with friends!

"Lemme clap your girl's booty cheeks, daddy papi."

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

What does a mother fear most?

Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.

Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.

"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.

Haha, I fucked you over!

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

Know what a 6.9 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.