Relationship jokes

I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.

Hey, this is to orphans:

"Orphans are ugly. We need to know each other :D We need to date, cause ur hot and so am I and orphans rly are ugly!!!!"

What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?

If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.

One day my ex-best friend lied about his computer dying when he left the call and watched YouTube.

Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?

Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.

Mom: Can you hear them?

Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.

Mom: Why do you think that?

Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.

Me: Spell "I cup."

My Friend: I see you pee.

Me: BOII YOU BETTER GIVE MEH SOME PRIVACY IN MY BATH ROOM!!!!

My Friend: Oh hehe O-O

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

Ya mum!

Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.

Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.

Cameron and Pav.

Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Oh, brother!

Why shouldn't you say "I hate you" to your parents?

Ask an orphan.

My father can take a joke because he made one.

Said the man angered to his wife:

"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

No one has my back like my dad.

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"