Relationship jokes

My dad and I were fishing one day.

That’s where he met my stepmom.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!

Bestfriend @3am: I love you.

Me: Love you too.

*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*

I don't know if this is funny.

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)

Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

Why can't an orphan be gay? It has no one to call daddy.

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?

Fur Traders.

I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.

Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”

Person 2: “What happened?”

Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”

Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”

Person 1: “I was in my car.”

I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.

Why did the ocean break up with the pond?

Because the pond was too shallow.

I had a good time with friends!

"Lemme clap your girl's booty cheeks, daddy papi."

What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?

Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.