Relationship jokes
My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.
I wasn’t close to my dad when he died. It’s a good thing he stepped on a land mine.
My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.
I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.
After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"
I like my women how I like my wine.
Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
Mom: Son, where are my condoms?
Son: What are condoms?
Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.
Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?
Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.
Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.
My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"
I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "'Cause it's your twin."
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
Why was the ant so confused? Because all his uncles were ants.
Why can’t someone say "ur mums gay" to an orphan? Because he doesn’t have a mum.
A teenage guy is taking a girl to a dance. First, he goes to buy her flowers, but there’s a really long line at the florist. Finally, he buys them.
Then, he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a really long line for that, too. After a few hours, he gets the tux.
That night, he picks up the girl and they go to the school for the dance. There’s a long line to get in that goes halfway around the school. A while later, they finally get in. They dance and talk for a while, then the guy gets thirsty, so he goes over to the table to get punch. There is no punch line.
Queen Elizabeth came back before your dad did.
Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"
Divorce is scheduled for next month.
What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?
One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.
A nickname to call your short GF:
Little ankle biter Master Yoda Hasbula My little Ewok
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?
I haven’t banged a hooker.