Relationship jokes
If you're ever bored, jump on Vedanta, what is he going to do, tell his parents? (He probably will.)
Slade must be WiFi... because I’m not feeling a CONNECTION.
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
What is a redneck virgin?
A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers.
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
Mom!
LBB- me and Shrek built a theme park for you mummy and it’s called Dummy pee pee poo poo doo doo land because Shrek likes to poop.
Shrek- Should I pull the trap?
*LBB’s mom walks into the trap*
LBB and Shrek- surprise we’re mailing you to Peepoo Peepoo AB
Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
Why can't orphans be gay? They don't know their daddy.
I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.
What would you do after seeing your most loved one shot? Reload.
Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"
What do women and dog turds have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.
"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.
"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"
"You getting kicked out, bro?"
"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."
"Is she one of them woke bitches?"
"Emmy and Thomas sitting in a tree."
Know why they call gonorrhea gonorrhea?
'Cause once you have it, everyone is gone.