Relationship jokes

Her: Eat my ass!

Me: Yes, chef!

The Golden State? More like your mum's state...

What's a native chick say after sex?

"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

Hi, son.

Hey Stacey, love!

If anyone can see Alya KUHL please tell me! I love and miss her...

On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."

A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap till their parents come home.

Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."

Your mom is a joke.

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call daddy.

My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.

I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...

Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.

What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.

What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?

A family portrait!

What did the glove say to his girlfriend?

I glove you!

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her tit, I got a mouthful of knee.