Relationship jokes
I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...
Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.
What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.
What do you call an orphan who takes a selfie?
A family portrait!
What did the glove say to his girlfriend?
I glove you!
Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her tit, I got a mouthful of knee.
Memes
What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?
"Need help packing your shit?"
Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.
The highest praise my wife gave to me was when she told me, "The best feminine attribute on your body as a woman would be your p🍆nis." 🥰
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
What do you call a not potty trained human?
Amber Heard.
Amber Heard Daily Routine:
Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.
Kid: So what? At least they love me more.
"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."
"Son, stay out of the drawer."
Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!
Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?
Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.
Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.
A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.
The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."
"You should tell your parents," I replied back.
The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.
Your mom.
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure"? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted!
A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)