Child: I am hungry.
Dad: Hi hungry, I am dad!!!
Child: *groans* *walks away*
Relationship Jokes
I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.
Why do I f*** my mom?
Like father like son. #batabababa
I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.
What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.
Mom: I apologize, Sam, for being so mean to you. <3
Sam: Thank you, Mother, for your apology.
Mom: jk
Your mom is a mom!
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
Your mom gay.
Stephanie has a great thumb!
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
I love you, my new phone! 📲
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Mother.
Mother who?
Fuck off bichon, I'm your mother!
My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.
Ask me who Joe is.
Who is Joe?
JOE MAMA!
What can you build with people? A boat!
1, 2 you built like a dork.
3, 4 you got no girl, 4, 5 you're shorter than a remote.
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
