Relationship jokes
Amber Heard Daily Routine:
Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.
Being gay must be a pain in the ass.
Credit to omnom.
My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"
I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Mother.
Mother who?
Fuck off bichon, I'm your mother!
What can you build with people? A boat!
Mom: I apologize, Sam, for being so mean to you. <3
Sam: Thank you, Mother, for your apology.
Mom: jk
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
Ask me who Joe is.
Who is Joe?
JOE MAMA!
My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.
Hey Gwen, reply to me and say if everything is alright.
Yo, back off from my homey Freshfry; he's mine!
Who ever said "condom?" YES DADDY!
During school today, a girl gave my friend her number. When I saw it, it was the principal's number.
Me: What's that sound?
Ex: What?
Me: Oh, it's the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!
Hey Stacey, love!
If anyone can see Alya KUHL please tell me! I love and miss her...
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap till their parents come home.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family portrait........
You might say I'm mean but what are they gonna do..... tell their parents?
Wait..........
On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."