Relationship jokes

When you have an ex, you will notice that the word "ex" is short for "executed," so that's there for yous.

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.

Her: Eat my ass!

Me: Yes, chef!

Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.

"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."

"Son, stay out of the drawer."

"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"

"I think you should ask yourself that."

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

Watersharky, do you hate me?????

I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.

Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.

Mom, (DYM 147)

"Watersharky, we need a little talking..."

Can anyone play me in a no limits femdom RP on Kik?

Meeting a girl at a park is good, but parking meat in girl is better.

Meeting a girl at the park is good. But parking meat in a girl is better.

The best quote by Kim Jong Un:

"Meeting girl in park is good, but parking meat in girl is better."

If an orphan got hit, will they go tell their parents?

My sis was funny but sad because I have a boy and she doesn't.

My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."

Little did I know it was just at prison.