Relationship jokes

"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"

"I think you should ask yourself that."

What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.

I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.

1, 2 you built like a dork.

3, 4 you got no girl, 4, 5 you're shorter than a remote.

Mom, am I adopted?

What? No. "In head" No, dah, bitch.

So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.

When an African has a twin, your me??

"UwU my balls says mommy."

"Wait, what?" says Jonny. "That's not my mommy!"

I just want to say this...

You have NO maidens, (Explosion) No homies, (ExPlOsIoN) And no—please don’t say it! Rizz 😎 (EXPLOSION)

Why are women in love with plastic because they had a plastic "galflalflflfalfl?"

Jack is a ugly meany who’s not going to my birthday!

Yo mama so old that she knew "The Outsiders" when they were "The Insiders."

Help! I got my brother pregnant.

You know why they call me 007?

0 girls.

0 chances.

7 restraining orders.

Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?

A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.

What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

"Just ditched a woman. Feelin' good!" -Techno

What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

You're so hot!