Relationship jokes

I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.

Why is it that skinny men like fat women?

Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.

If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.

Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.

"Just ditched a woman. Feelin' good!" -Techno

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

When the guy asks the girl if she's wet, she replies, "Yeah, milky knickers!"

What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?

It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Why can't an orphan be friends with Dom Toretto?

Dom doesn't have friends; he has "family."

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!

Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?

Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!

Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.

That's why he married Courtney Love.

Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.

Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA

Person 1: Omg, my blind boyfriend cheated on me.

Person 2: What did you expect? Him to see other hoes...

Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.

When an orphan takes a selfie, is that their family photo?

You know we straight with doin' your mom.

How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?

You can't get either one at home.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.