I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.
It showed a picture of myself.
Relationship Jokes
Your mum... payed other people to take you!!!!
Me and a girl went on a walk...
Then she noticed me, then we went for a run. :)
Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.
Shitmate: You’re so shitable.
Me: Bring banana ice cream.
Shitmate: Never happening.
Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.
Why did he kill himself?
Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
I know your name is baller cause I'm gonna put my baller into yo MOTHER HOLLER!
Her: Eat my ass!
Me: Yes, chef!
Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.
I'm Jessica, and I really want to talk to Ashton Parkes.
Mickey: I want a divorce!
Minney: Are you fricking crazy?
Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!
My emo friend tried to hi-five a tree. It left him hanging.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
The Golden State? More like your mum's state...
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
What do my cock and money have in common?
Your mom.
Hi, son.
