Relationship jokes
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
Yo mama so old that she knew "The Outsiders" when they were "The Insiders."
Q: What do men and math tests have in common?
A: They get cheated on.
Help! I got my brother pregnant.
Your mama is so fat. Her high school picture is an aerial photograph.
Your mama is so fat, guys have to bring climbing equipment to have sex with her.
You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."
You're so hot!
"Just ditched a woman. Feelin' good!" -Techno
Jack is a ugly meany who’s not going to my birthday!
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
I just want to say this...
You have NO maidens, (Explosion) No homies, (ExPlOsIoN) And no—please don’t say it! Rizz 😎 (EXPLOSION)
I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.
What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.
Mom: I apologize, Sam, for being so mean to you. <3
Sam: Thank you, Mother, for your apology.
Mom: jk
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Mother.
Mother who?
Fuck off bichon, I'm your mother!
What can you build with people? A boat!
When is Father's Day?
Nine months before Mother's Day.
I love you, my new phone! 📲
My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.