Relationship jokes

So if you say a bear shoots children, and Leah likes Mason Boswells, and I go to Benjamin Adlard year 6.

Yo mama so old that she knew "The Outsiders" when they were "The Insiders."

"UwU my balls says mommy."

"Wait, what?" says Jonny. "That's not my mommy!"

Mom, am I adopted?

What? No. "In head" No, dah, bitch.

So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.

Jack is a ugly meany who’s not going to my birthday!

I just want to say this...

You have NO maidens, (Explosion) No homies, (ExPlOsIoN) And no—please don’t say it! Rizz 😎 (EXPLOSION)

Help! I got my brother pregnant.

"Just ditched a woman. Feelin' good!" -Techno

The longer the relationship, the longer the breakup will hurt you. Better break up now ooo.🤣

You know why they call me 007?

0 girls.

0 chances.

7 restraining orders.

Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?

A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.

What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

Q: What do men and math tests have in common?

A: They get cheated on.

What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?

Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.

Why do asscheeks make great friends?

They always stick together!

20 years later

Johnny: Hey dad.

Dad: Yea?

Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!

Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.

Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.

Dad:...

True story: In 1986, in the midst of the HIV epidemic, they made condoms available to the public. At that time, me and my boyfriend were 13 years old. My boyfriend was so happy: "These will make great water balloons!" And I was even happier. I did not have to pack a lunch for school tomorrow, lol.

This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."

He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."