Relationship jokes

Why do people have sex?

Because they like going "Ahhhhhhhhhhh fuck me, bitch, I love you!"

Ur dad is mad.

I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.

My sister said to me "I love him long time."

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

1, 2 you built like a dork.

3, 4 you got no girl, 4, 5 you're shorter than a remote.

When an African has a twin, your me??

Why are women in love with plastic because they had a plastic "galflalflflfalfl?"

My emo friend tried to hi-five a tree. It left him hanging.

Chris said to me in P.E. that he likes Jacob, and he said he wants to go straight to the bedroom.

What do my cock and money have in common?

Your mom.

I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.

I'll let you decide.

Me: And this is the room I cry in.

Date: You've said that about every room.

Me: Correct!

All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.

Me: "WYD?"

Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."

Me: "Without me? Lol"

The Golden State? More like your mum's state...

What's a native chick say after sex?

"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

Hi, son.

I'm Jessica, and I really want to talk to Ashton Parkes.

Mickey: I want a divorce!

Minney: Are you fricking crazy?

Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!