Relationship jokes
I'm like a teddy bear. I don't like to be fucked.
What's the difference between you and your mom?
I slept with your mom.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they don’t have anybody to call “daddy.”
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
The best quote by Kim Jong Un:
"Meeting girl in park is good, but parking meat in girl is better."
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
Prostitutes remind me of chewese.
A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
So she could have someone to call daddy.
Like if you don't have a dad.
Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.
What is your name in my phone?
I love your house. I have been in your art for.
You and your mom.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad. He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"
He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"
I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!
You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.