What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
Relationship Jokes
Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?
Because he’s a fungi.
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.
Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.
Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
