The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed. Father: son you can do butter
My girlfriend asked my whether I was having sex behind her back and I replied "yes who did you think it was".
my gf calling me: I'm home alone ;) me: I know, you always are...
If there was a girl and a boy in the boy fell what did the boy do to the girl
He fell for her
Comment on this if you are some what like me. Depressed, Single, Gay, and acts like your not burning inside.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
Why do some couples go to the gym together? Because they want their relationship to work out.
If your buy renault megane, all your girls will be gone
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh how did I survive. Fortunately being her husband I was the 1 person she wasn't fucking.
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because They don't need permission from their Parents
my grandma told me i was next at my brothers wedding so i told her she was next at her husband's funeral
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic
Plus she's too young to smoke
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still cant cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still cant f*ck."
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment she starts to roll over, and in the process she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her. Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" At the butcher shop"
The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: you’re the bomb! The explosive dude says: wow that was Whitty
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
