Relationship jokes

What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?

"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"

I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"

How do you stop a woman from choking?

Back up an inch.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.

Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.

Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.

Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.

Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?