Relationship jokes

My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.

Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.

I like my women the way I like my coffee, and I don't drink coffee.

Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?

Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.

Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.

Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."

What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.

Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.

Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.

Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.

What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"