Relationship jokes
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?
Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.
Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.
Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.