Relationship jokes
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?
Because he’s a fungi.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?
Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
Ariana Grande had 7 husbands, so she had 7 rings.
Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.
Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."