What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
Relationship Jokes
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.
Ok, not really racist but still funny.
Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?
Because he thought that she would leave him too.
Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one they can call "daddy."
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
Why did the woman want a boyfriend at least 2 🦶 taller?
So she could feel like a little girl and fulfill her rape fantasy.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall, lol?
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
