Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You canโt beat it, but if you do, sheโll probably come back again.
Why did the woman want a boyfriend at least 2 ๐ฆถ taller?
So she could feel like a little girl and fulfill her rape fantasy.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall, lol?
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
Why does Ms. Mushroom ๐ go out with Mr. Mushroom ๐?
Because heโs a fungi.
One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.
Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.
