Relationship jokes
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
Kenny's favorite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
Memes
When you say "i love you" and she says "ily"
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.