Relationship jokes
If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.
Dear doctor,
I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?
Yours Truly, Ray Palp
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because there is nobody to call "daddy."
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your mom's house.
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Your new father!
Hey, math:
I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!
Qualification Check:
Single
Taken
Friended ✔
So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
I'm gay because I like men.
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.