Relationship jokes
Women are like marshmallows because they're white, squashy, and everyone sticks their stick inside you.
Why don't orphans call...
Because they can't call home.
She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and my kid?
I only stuff the turkey.
I love everyone.
What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!
Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?
Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.
Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.
I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...
Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
What’s the difference from me and a gay person? You.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.
My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?
Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.
I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.