Relationship jokes

Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"

Me: "Nope."

Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."

Me: "You never said \"love\"".

Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"

Me: "Frick no."

Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”

The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”

He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

Kenny's favorite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.

What's the best thing about a blowjob?

- The silence.

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.

When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.

What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?

They're both "sweet home Alabama."

How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?

When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.

Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?

Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?

Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"

What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.

Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?

It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A: You slap her.

There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.

Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.