Relationship jokes
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"
The priest says, "Because I'm a father."
Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."
The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."
Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."
Like if your dad is abusive.
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
Kenny's favorite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.