Relationship jokes
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
Memes
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.
What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?
Super Smash Bros.
1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't know who to call daddy.
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.