Relationship jokes
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
What is a redneck virgin?
A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers.
Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!
But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3
Your mom's my dad. Think about that!
My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.
What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?
$2 billion and high cholesterol.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
What is the difference between interstate and intercourse?
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
I punched my mom for no freaking reason.
You'll never be lonely at cousinsonly.com.
I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.
To: The Orphan
From: ______
A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."
The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"
The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
What does the man cheeseburger say to the girl cheeseburger?
“You got nice buns!”
Why can't orphans open a family business?
Because there is no family.
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.
The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."
"You should tell your parents," I replied back.
The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.