My friend dared me to steal my other friend's watch. I tried, but failed. He really got me, dare.
Do you like me? Joke... Well come on!
BOOMSHACKALATA!
If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
GF: Laying down.
BF: GROANING
GF: Are you good at aiming and shooting?
BF: Yeah, why?
GF: Shoot that did in there.
BF: Mmmhuugh
Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.
Your mom is so fat that she broke your crush!
Son: I love you, Dad.
Dad gets in car and drives away.
Why didn't the wife want sex?
Because they were having too many babies.
If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.
I like the satisfying sounds of your butt being spanked.
"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."
My d*ck is hard, what's your name?
My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."
I fucked your mom, that's why I've been paying your life support since you were born.
Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.
You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?
The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!
I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag.
OK, I'm joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.
My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.
I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"
Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.
