Relationship jokes
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
If I adopt a child, is it mine?
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯😳
Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."
"I love you 😘" was the night you got a iiooooo.
What is a boyfriend?
How much cum does a gay guy have?
An ass loaded.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers, The third one's for you.
"You suck. I don't wanna be married anymore ://////"
Your momma!
Your mama is so ugly, her shadow got a restraining order.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.
Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.
Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*
Dad: Babe, we need to talk.
Mom: Okay......
Dad: He's grounded.
Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.
Son: Am I getting a new daddy?
Mom: Soon honey, soon....
Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.
I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
Imagine the only way you can get laid is if you force it. 😂 Loser!
My chance of finding love.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.