Relationship jokes
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
Spy: Hahaha.
Me: What?
Spy: Time to pick up your mother.
Me: Oh no....
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
What did the toaster say to the piece of bread? "I want you inside me."
When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.
Why did the boy ask a question to the girl?
Why did my mouth say no to butt? Because that would be too much sex.
Why can't orphans be gay?
'Cause they have no one to call "daddy."
You like kissing boys, don't you?
Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"
Chat date for Gwen and Tj.
What's the difference between milk and my dad?
Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.
Are you Google?
Because you got all I am searching for.
Why did Karen leave me?
Because I was a mushroom.
What did the cupcake tell its frosting?
I’d be muffin without you.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
So um uh I like people who like people who like people.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.