Relationship jokes

What's the difference between you and your sister?

Your dad.

I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

Call this for a gay old time! 0275535101

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.

If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.

It’s almost take her to Spirit Halloween, and then rail her in a spooky mask season.

What’s the best thing about a blowjob?

The silence.

Repeat after me...

Me: "You have a weird style."

Mom: "You have a weird style."

Me: "Um, not your mirror!" *runs away*

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?

I don’t turn on a light switch.

I want to cream, rn.

I'm jealous of the people who never met you.

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

What do you call a man in love with an emo?

I really don't know.

I'll really mist ya.

Freshfry, are you there? I really want to talk to you!

Love, Gwen.

Guy: Do you want a nickel?

Girl: Sure.

Guy: So you’ll tickle my pickle?

Girl: 😳😩😩😩

A guy walks up to a girl. He says, "Hey, you want a poker? I’ve got one."