Relationship jokes

A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

What’s the difference between a mistake and an orphan?

At least the mistake was loved.

Trump pumped and dumped his wife at the border.

STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:

Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?

Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.

Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.

What do you call an orphan taking a picture of themself?

A family photo.

What kind of food does a lesbian love? Anything they can eat out.

Your hairline's so bad, your dad went to get the milk and never came back. Years later, he comes back and says, "Go get a hairline, boy."

Why can't orphans be gay?

There's no one to call "daddy."

It turns into ligma.

Brother: What's ligma?

Big Brother: Ligma dick!

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?

I found your parent!

What's the difference between me and an orphan?

At least my dad came back.

My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.

What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?

The last names after marriage!

You only put your user name under Daddyboy_01 because your dad left you, hahahah!

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

Imagine you ask a girl out in braille.

And she leaves you on felt.