Relationship jokes
Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!
She'd suck my dick and let me suck her tits.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?
Friend: You're adopted.
Orphan: At least I was chosen!
Friend: At least I was kept.
What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX.
Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"
Way down South: "You awake, mom?"
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.
What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?
At least Daniel has a mom.
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
Q: What do men and math tests have in common?
A: They get cheated on.
Hi, you guys don't know me, but I have my best interests at heart.
I'm a kind person who wants to put a stop to the bullying. I think that Gwen, Addison Banks, Watersharky, ect. are kind people! Also, I kinda like Watersharky...
Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.
I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.