Relationship jokes

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

Are you a builder? Because you are giving me an erection.

My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?

It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!

Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

Calendars got dates.

Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

"Me and Explain Boat (RapBoat) are going to be married tomorrow," - Explain Bear.

I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.

Why did Playboi Carti’s partner complain about their love life? Because he kept repeating the same track and never reached the climax.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead.

I’m such a fool.

Why did I fall for you?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.

A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.

I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.

Once you've had the mother,

Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.