Relationship jokes

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

Person 1: Yassin has sex with a piece of sex.

Person 2: Nice, can I have some of your balls?

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

When she says "parents aren't home" so you rush upstairs.

My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.

Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!

What do you call an orphan selfie?

A family photo.

"I want to kill my family."

-realizes-

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.

When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.

My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!

I asked a kid where their parents were...

Lol

You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.

Me: Where's your mom?

Kid: [cries]

Me: [leaving from the adoption center]

Why are you guys making fun of priests?

Because you have a suga daddy already.

My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

The thing my mom birthed.

In America, mom births you.

In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.