Relationship jokes
Hey, what do you call a beta simp?
You call me the beta simp.
Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.
Next day:
Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?
Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.
The dad sulked for 3 whole years.
Proof that words really can hurt.
Who needs sex when they have Valorant?
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.
My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.
Me: Where's your mom?
Kid: [cries]
Me: [leaving from the adoption center]
Why are you guys making fun of priests?
Because you have a suga daddy already.
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.
My family is like a cactus. They're a bunch of pricks.
My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
Dad: Are you gay?
Kid: Yes.
10 days later.
Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.
Dad: I thought you were gay?
Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.
Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.
Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!
Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.