Relationship jokes
What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?
She can't say no!
If a woman says she needs to set boundaries between you and her, you would be crossing it if you are a Mexican.
What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?
They both hit me face down on the table.
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
A girl said she liked dogs. I called her a bitch.
I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.
My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
My dad came back!
The best quote by Kim Jong Un:
"Meeting girl in park is good, but parking meat in girl is better."
Me: Why am I an orphan?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Ask your mom.
A guy walks up to a girl. He says, "Hey, you want a poker? I’ve got one."
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."
"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
Why doesn’t my bully get a dad joke? Oh, ya, ummm...
Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."
By a tweaker with AIDS.
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.