Relationship jokes
What’s the difference between a dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
Ur dad
Omg, I'm sooooo sry!!!!!
When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.
Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
My mom said, "Hey, come over here."
I responded, "Too late, Mom!"
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...
Because you already look ugly.
POV: Your dad is gone.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad. LMAO.
Best pick up line EVER.
There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.
Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.
What did the cupcake tell its frosting?
I’d be muffin without you.
Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
I want to cream, rn.
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.