Relationship jokes
How do you know that your sister is on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes weird.
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"
"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Do you know why boys can't ask girls out? Because they don't have any balls to ask girls out!
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia. So I ended up doing the YMCA.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. My dad is gone to...
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.
Your Parents
Me: Truth or dare?
Crush: Dare.
Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.
Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.
Me: Ok, what is your phone number?
My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.
We had sex afterwards even though she lost.
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."
What's the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?
One is loved.
What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.
I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.
My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Why do orphans miss Mother’s Day? Because they don’t have a mother to give to!
Why is my sister horny? It's because she loves my dick.