What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?
"Will you listen now?!??"
Ya mums, ya dad.
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad husband?
Because he doesn't stand up for his wife.
Following your dreams is good... especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.
Ttt.
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.
I'm having sex with your mother. That makes me better than you.
*guitar solo*
Fine, then if I can't do Gwen, then I guess it is Tenya and Kenya. #Twin sisters! Tenya and Kenya!
I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.
Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.
When your cousin dies and everybody thinks you're her.
FUCKING MENT
She's a 10, but she doesn't like sex.
Boy, if you don't get your "I'm Burger King with my Burger Queen!"
"You momo joso fat, she went in the ocean and the whales came up to her and started singing, ""We Are Family"" even though you are father than me."
Conor MacGregor to Poirier: "Your wife is your husband!"
(After the fight, or should I say after the fracture.)
Poirier: Really, bitch?
My mom is actually a mum! 😱
Oh, Mom, there is poop in the toilet still.
Mom: Oh, that was me and the dog.
Me: Wait, what????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I ear ass your dad's ass and he likes it.
I once cummed on my boyfriend's dick. { puts an eggplant emoji }
I like to watch porn too ;)
Why did your parents abandon you?
Because the first thing you dad said to be was; "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WIFE."
