Relationship jokes

What’s the difference between a mistake and an orphan?

At least the mistake was loved.

Trump pumped and dumped his wife at the border.

STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:

Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?

Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.

Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.

What do you call an orphan taking a picture of themself?

A family photo.

What kind of food does a lesbian love? Anything they can eat out.

Your hairline's so bad, your dad went to get the milk and never came back. Years later, he comes back and says, "Go get a hairline, boy."

Why can't orphans be gay?

There's no one to call "daddy."

It turns into ligma.

Brother: What's ligma?

Big Brother: Ligma dick!

Are you a marry, because you are my mother?

I found your parent!

What's the difference between me and an orphan?

At least my dad came back.

My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.

What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?

The last names after marriage!

You only put your user name under Daddyboy_01 because your dad left you, hahahah!

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

Imagine you ask a girl out in braille.

And she leaves you on felt.

What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?

"That rotten asshole split on me again!"

What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?

They both fell on my dad.

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

Tell rumors about me, but please don't say I'm in a love relationship.