Relationship jokes
Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!
Me: Where's your mom?
Kid: [cries]
Me: [leaving from the adoption center]
Why are you guys making fun of priests?
Because you have a suga daddy already.
My gf told me I have to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.
Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅
In America, mom births you.
In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
My family is like a cactus. They're a bunch of pricks.
My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.
What wastes your money as you earn it?
Women.
Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!
"I want to kill my family."
-realizes-
When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.
The thing my mom birthed.
Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.