Relationship jokes
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
My mom said, "Hey, come over here."
I responded, "Too late, Mom!"
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
...
What did the cupcake tell its frosting?
I’d be muffin without you.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
What did the girl say Big Fella27 said, "I love Big Fella 27?"
"Same." HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
How does an orphan call his parents?
"..."
What did Vegeta say to Bulma?
What?
Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)
Freshfry, my friend, please talk to me!
Hi Alex, it's 2:00 Easter time. Freshfry is a scaredy-cat. He left when you left, lol.
I love you, Tina!
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!
Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!
Dad: Honey!
Mom: What?
Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.
Mom: WHAT!?
Children: *staring*