Relationship jokes
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!
Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!
Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!
Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?
I hate my wife.
*cue laugh*
One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because there is nobody to call "daddy."
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
The couple next door made a porn film.
They don’t know it yet.
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
Why do orphans love tennis? It's the only love they get.
In tennis, 0 points is love.
Girls: Boys are like games, they're meant to get played.
Boys: Girls are like stones, the flat ones get skipped.
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
My father can take a joke because he made one.
Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Two gay lovers find out they are brothers.