Relationship jokes

What do you call a man in love with an emo?

I really don't know.

My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.

Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.

A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."

What did the kid say to the orphan?

"Well, at least I have parents!"

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.

Why is Bill the bad guy?

Monica wanted to suck dick.

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*

No one:

Literally no one:

Me: Time to make his life hell.😈

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?

I don’t turn on a light switch.

I want to cream, rn.

It’s almost take her to Spirit Halloween, and then rail her in a spooky mask season.

Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.

Dad, I love you.

Son, I love you.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?

At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.

I'm jealous of the people who never met you.

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."