Relationship jokes
Where did the cows go to a date?
To the moo-vies!
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
What is the definition of "Endless Love"?
Answer: Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing "Tennis"!
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
Memes
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.
“In yo mama.”
My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
Say, "Moommy."
One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*