Relationship jokes
One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.
I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because there is nobody to call "daddy."
What is the similarity between women and freezers?
We like to put our meat in them.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
My father can take a joke because he made one.
The couple next door made a porn film.
They don’t know it yet.
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm gay because I like men.
Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.
What does a baby computer call his father?
Data!
My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.
I’ll be hanging with them for a while.
Masturbation is better than rough sex.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.