Relationship jokes
"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
Boy/girl: I love you.
Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.
The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*
I was in the bedroom slapping your girl harder than Will at the Oscars.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.
Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.
Why did the orphan become a stripper?
So she could have someone to call daddy.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
I met a gay guy last night.
Man, was he a pain in the ass.
Momma's House-By-watersharky Productions and Dustin Lynch- I see your face on every street, every corner, couple trees. Even got her name on 'em. I feel your love, I hear your laugh, got them take me way on back. Hurt me memories, I don't want 'em. Up and down the boulevard. In and out of every bar. I'd burn this whole town down. Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground. Baby, I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that? Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass. I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. I would start it where we started, at the downtown party Where you kissed my lips and stole my beer. The city park in the dark where we looked up at the stars Watched them fireworks pop last year. It started under that Texaco sign where you said goodbye I'd get some gas and drop a match right there. I'd burn this whole town down. Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground. Baby, I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that? Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass. I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Fire red flames, sunsets in the sky Going out, staying in, staying up long nights. Now I'm waking up alone, wishing I could move on Blocked your number in my phone, thought it help but it don't. I'd burn this whole town down. Pick a spot, dig a hole, put them ashes in the ground. Baby, I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house. Damn girl, why'd you have to break it like that? Leaving pieces of my shattered heart scattered like glass. I'd burn this whole town down. If it wasn't for my momma's house, my momma's house.
Shaenaya hates me, help! And she wants to suck off ******* and ****** and ***** and *****.
TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”
Is she saying, "Watch for red flags because he's toxic," or is he socialist?
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
Because they needed someone to call "daddy".
Your mom.
Why is it that skinny men like fat women?
Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They do not have anyone to call "daddy."