Relationship jokes

If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.

Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.

What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.

Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"

1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.

What’s the difference between a dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.

Ur dad

Omg, I'm sooooo sry!!!!!

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.

It's a good thing I'm married.

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?

Shut up and pass me the note.

Dad, I love you.

Son, I love you.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?

At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.

What's the difference between you and your sister?

Your dad.

I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.

When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.

Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.

Person: What's your perfect date look like?

Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.