Relationship jokes

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

Once you've had the mother,

Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.

Is she saying, "Watch for red flags because he's toxic," or is he socialist?

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."

I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

Yo mama is so ugly that Rick Astley gave her up.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

What hurts the most? 😹

A. Breaking up before chewing.

B. Breaking up after chewing.

Raju: How about you, Sunil?

Do you know?

Sanju: Sunil is my long distance

is a brother.

Raju: Long brother?

Sanju: Yes, because I live in Ratnagiri and he lives in Nagpur.

For my girlfriend and friends to chat :)

Not a joke.

Any girls looking for a steamy hot man?

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

Yo mama so hot that even Sodapop Curtis flirts with her.

Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

What is the definition of "Endless Love"?

Answer: Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing "Tennis"!

Imagine you ask a girl out in braille.

And she leaves you on felt.

What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?

"That rotten asshole split on me again!"