Relationship jokes
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
Why do orphans miss Mother’s Day? Because they don’t have a mother to give to!
Memes
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
Why did your mom cross the road?
You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
Your hairline goes so far back your dad didn't leave.
Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."
Yo momma so fat that it was hard to find the G spot and slip her one at night.
Your love life.
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.
So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."
Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
What did the kid say to the orphan?
"Well, at least I have parents!"