Relationship jokes

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

Ur family reunion, a homosexual communion.

I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

Trystan Leonard is going out with Katelynn O'Toole.

Your mom.

Did you sit in sugar?

Because you've got a sweet ass.

Are you Google?

Because you got all I am searching for.

From the wise words of my friend, "You ain't a man 'til you had a man."

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

Orphan: Can I come over?

Girl: Yeah, but you have to bring your parents.

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To slide into your mom's bed.

You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.