Relationship jokes

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.

You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔

What do you call an orphan at the dinner table?

Family dinner!

I like to make your mom jokes.

Because they're easy like your mom.

What does an orphan's family photo called?

A selfie.

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

Kiwi loves Brad.

What did mum say when grandpa called?

Boomerang.

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

Why aren't orphans gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"

I have 25 friends from the alphabet, but don't ask me why.

Why were condoms invented? So gay guys can have sword fights.

You're adopted.

I like my woman how I like my wine, just under 2 years old.