Relationship jokes
You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your mom's house.
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Your new father!
What does your dad's cock and Darryl's Savouries have in common?
I want them both in my mouth!
I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.
She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.
"You’re the milk to my cookies."
This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.
Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!
What is an orphan's family photo?
A selfie.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no daddy to call.
What would you do after seeing your most loved one shot? Reload.
Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?
They actually can call someone "daddy!"
Yo mama so fat, she took both sides of the family.
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?
Kiwi loves Brad.
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"
Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"
Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"
The only food I want to review is my wife's rear end.
Gina: Ha! YOU HAVE NOTHING!
Orphan: Yes I do.
Gina: What do you have then?
Orphan: Parents.
Gina: LIAR!
Having sex with three people is a threesome.
Having sex with four people is a foursome.
Then maybe I am handsome after all...
A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"
Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"
The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."