Relationship jokes

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

I first saw her in the Walmart picking out your drawers.

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

"Doin' doin' your mom, doin' doin' your mom."

How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.

Boy: I'm dead.

Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?

Boy: No, I was just born this way.

Your family in a nutshell.

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

Oh, you're jealous now.

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

"We make sexy time, yes, and every night I tap that."

Masturbation is better than rough sex.

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

Colder than the conversation between a fat guy and a Super Model...

What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?

You need to com-it.

Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.

No one goes in there without my permission!

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

What do you and Joe Biden have in common?

Nobody loves you or him.