Relationship jokes

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

Why can't orphans have sex?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"

Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"

The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

What did mum say when grandpa called?

Boomerang.

What is the definition of clapped?

Ur mum when I am in her bed.

So um uh I like people who like people who like people.

Why did the oxygen molecules walk out of the singles bar with excitement?

Because she got Avogadro's number!

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

Why do orphans like fucking other dads?

Because they get to have a daddy.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

Why aren't orphans gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

I like my woman how I like my wine, just under 2 years old.

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

What do you and Joe Biden have in common?

Nobody loves you or him.

Are you a horse, because I want to ride you?

I fucked a wall.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"