Relationship jokes

Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

What can't a sniper say to his wife?

"I missed you."

What's the difference between family and cats...

Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

What do you call your son?

An mistake.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.

"Your pussy is sweeter than Mom's," Brother admired his sister.

"I know," replied Sister. "Father told me too."

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

Why don't gay Greek men have anal sex with each other in Greece?

Because anal sex between gay men is against the law in Greece.

I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.

What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.

I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

The other day my mom called me a retard.

I'm now an orphan.

Orphan: Have you seen my mommy?

Person: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes?

Person: SON SON??? IS THAT YOU MY LOVE?

Orphan: MOTHER!

Person: Let's go home!

Orphan: Uhhhh

*She was never to be seen again*

"I love you." "You too, I love you!" 😍

Why are there more female history teachers than male?

Because women like to bring up the past.

There was one girl. She met 5000 guys. She had sex with each of them seven times. She became... - flip screen (=).

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______