Relationship jokes

What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?

At least Daniel has a mom.

What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?

I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.

What do you call sex with a hoover?

Clean sex.

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.

What did mum say when grandpa called?

Boomerang.

Why do orphans like fucking other dads?

Because they get to have a daddy.

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

Why aren't orphans gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around.”

My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

Bully: How’s your girlfriend?

Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?

Bully: *cries*

Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*

What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?

I don't have a sex slave in my basement...

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!