Relationship jokes
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
Dad: Son, you're adopted.
Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
I once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, "They're all dead hookers once they're in the trunk."
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"
Your mother.
Gay person to girl: What’s your favorite planet?
Girl: Penus-(penis)(venus), and what is yours?
Gay person: What else, it's Your Anus (Uranus)!😅
Dear doctor,
I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?
Yours Truly, Ray Palp
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
How did the Iron and Gold start dating?
They met on TINder.
What do you call someone who is extra virgin?
Mrs. Frame.
Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"
Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?
Sally.
You're really sexy 😉
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
Fuck you and your shitty family!
A hillbilly female has to decide if she would save her brother or her boyfriend. She chose both because her brother is her boyfriend.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.