Relationship jokes

I was eating this girl out the other day and I tasted horse semen... I looked up at the girl and said “that’s how you died, grandma!”

Yo mama's so hot when she walked into Subway she gave me a foot long!

Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"

Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.

Yo mama's such a milf, she deserves a tongue punch in the fart box.

Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"

What is the craziest thing an Indian man does for sex?

Marriage.

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.

How emos propose: Would you please join my family tree?

Zion is so fat that his dick can't even fit in his wife's pussy.

My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...

We don't see each other very much.

Hi, you guys don't know me, but I have my best interests at heart.

I'm a kind person who wants to put a stop to the bullying. I think that Gwen, Addison Banks, Watersharky, ect. are kind people! Also, I kinda like Watersharky...

You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?

Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?

You: Uhhhhhhh

Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.

You: Thank God.

Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...

You: *faints*

Girl: I like girls.

Dad: Ok?

Girl 2: I like girls too.

Dad: Okay, so who likes boys?!

Boy: I do.

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”

Reply back with “Because you were born.”

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."

Lady: Will you fuck me?

Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.

Why did the man cross the road?

Because his dick was stuck in the chicken!