Relationship jokes
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!
Ryan: Mother, if you had 10 cookies, and I took 4 away from you, how much do you have?
Mother: I will still have ten cookies, because I will not give any to you.
Ryan: What if I forcefully take 4 cookies away from you?
Mother: I will have 10 cookies and a dead body.
Ryan and his mother had cookies that day. Ryan took all 10 cookies. He was never seen again. R.I.P Ryan.
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
"Mmmmmmmm, daddy, f*ck me harder. I love you, daddy, mmmm. I luv your cock, mmmm, lick me, lick my clit, daddy!"
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
How do you know when you're disliked?
When they always give you the camera for group photos.
Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.
What does Buzz Lightyear and an orphan's parents have in common?
They go to infinity and beyond.
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?
I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.
Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."
"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
Mom, (DYM 147)
What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?
Nothing, he doesn't have any.