Relationship jokes
Why do orphans love tennis?
Because it is the only place they can get love.
Would I be considered a "homo" because I have sex at home?
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
My ex's love for me :(
I still love the dude sadly, but I won't take him back.
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.
Jack: Hey Josh!
Josh: What?
Jack: Sex!
Josh: Huh?
Jack: SEX!!
Josh: I don't get it.
Jack: Exactly ;)
If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?
I was in a toxic relationship. After some time, my girlfriend died. Her name was Happy. Still got no clue of her body, and here I am lying on the bed so fucking happy.
Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?
Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.
Little Timmy walked in on his parents having sex. His parents look at him in fear. Little Timmy asks, "Mom, Dad, what are you doing?"
The mom replies with, "We are playing house. We'll let you play when you're older," the dad says. So the next day Timmy goes over to play with his friend Johnny, who was, ironically, Timmy's neighbor. Johnny asks, "How was your sleep last night?" "I saw my mom and dad playing house last night," Timmy says. "But they told me I could play with them when I'm older."
After a little bit of playing with Johnny, Timmy went home and saw his Dad playing house with his babysitter. "Dad, what are you doing?" Timmy asks. "I'm playing house with your babysitter," Timmy's Dad said. "But I saw you play house with Mom last night," Timmy told his father. "Well, don't tell your mother," his dad said.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
Why do orphans play tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.
Where did the cows go to a date?
To the moo-vies!
Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"
"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
Having sex with three people is a threesome.
Having sex with four people is a foursome.
Then maybe I am handsome after all...
Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.
What is the difference between you and a calendar?
A calendar has dates.