Relationship jokes

So, this woman woke up since she had a bad dream and was yelling about her bad dream. Then, in the bed, her husband woke up and said, "Hey! You just woke me up in a sweet dream!" She said, "Oh, sorry babe." Then she asked him what his dream was about, and he responded like, "I was with a woman; me and her was in the middle of dreamy sex; you just ruined it!" She said, "AAAAh!" He asked her what her dream was about, then she replied as, "I was trying to suck a man's penis, and a cock trying to get cummiee out of it!"

How did number 1 kindly make number 2?

I got my ass kicked, let's be friends?

I was eating this girl out the other day and I tasted horse semen... I looked up at the girl and said “that’s how you died, grandma!”

Yo mama's so hot when she walked into Subway she gave me a foot long!

Lady: Will you fuck me?

Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.

Hi, you guys don't know me, but I have my best interests at heart.

I'm a kind person who wants to put a stop to the bullying. I think that Gwen, Addison Banks, Watersharky, ect. are kind people! Also, I kinda like Watersharky...

Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"

Girl: I like girls.

Dad: Ok?

Girl 2: I like girls too.

Dad: Okay, so who likes boys?!

Boy: I do.

What is the craziest thing an Indian man does for sex?

Marriage.

Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"

Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.

Zion is so fat that his dick can't even fit in his wife's pussy.

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

My girlfriend said she's having a horrible time with her period. I ask her which one, but realize she's not talking about school...

We don't see each other very much.

I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.

How emos propose: Would you please join my family tree?

Why did the man cross the road?

Because his dick was stuck in the chicken!

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”

Reply back with “Because you were born.”

You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.