Relationship jokes

I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.

How emos propose: Would you please join my family tree?

Why did the man cross the road?

Because his dick was stuck in the chicken!

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

What do you do when your sister asks you “Why are you sad?”

Reply back with “Because you were born.”

You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."

You're mum.

I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...

“Are you still holding the ladder??”

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.

If her age is on the timer, I don't care if she's a minor.

YOUR MOM sucks my dick 24/7.

The granddaughter wanted to see granny. She killed herself.

Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you haven't told her twice already.

When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.

What did the girl say to the white guy? “You have a peener wiener!”

How did the blind girl get a date?

She said it was love at first sight.

Fruit is like ex-wives.

They both look really good hanging from a tree.