Relationship jokes

Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!

Rob: .....BECKY :3

Who's the smallest wife??

Micro-wife.

My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"

Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."

What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?

Your nan's a GILF!

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

Pickup line: Are you the internet? 'Cause I feel a connection.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.

What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.

Your mom has a bone to pick with me.

Swiggity swooty, I'm coming for that booty!

I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.

AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

I have some words that might make sense to girls, but maybe not to boys, ready?

smart

kind

sweet

caring

loving

mature

Why can't orphans have friends?

They will stay together.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

Hey, math:

I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.