Relationship jokes
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"
Guys tell me that I have a MILF for a mom. So I told my mom that guys tell me that she is a MILF. My mom said to me, "What is a MILF?" so I said, "Mother I'd Like TO F-ck." So my mom started to laugh and said, "Well, you do need a new step dad."
What did the Joker say to Harley Quinn?
Nothing.
Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?
She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.
What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?
I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.
Memes
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
Hey, math:
I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dad!
Dad who?
Silence.
Your mom has a bone to pick with me.
Swiggity swooty, I'm coming for that booty!
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?
The husband answers her: Pretty.
The wife responds: Thank yo-
The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alabama.
Alabama who?
Alabama your cousin.
How do skeletons make love?
They bone each other!