Me: Where's your mom?
Kid: [cries]
Me: [leaving from the adoption center]
Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"
Did your dad ever tell you he was going to get milk... But then never came back lol? 😅
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
Dad: Are you gay?
Kid: Yes.
10 days later.
Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.
Dad: I thought you were gay?
Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.
Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.
Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.
You realize we are tolerating you, right?
Mbu some guys look financially stable until you start dating them... Mbu wait I see how this week goes...🤔
You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?
Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.
Guy: Let's drop the soap.
Girl: Let's do it!
What hurts the most? 😹
A. Breaking up before chewing.
B. Breaking up after chewing.
You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.
Me: Hey! Look at my drawing of deez!
My babysitter: Very nice! But, uh, what’s deez?
Me: (¬‿¬)
Your eyebrows run away like your dad.
What is the difference between interstate and intercourse?
