Relationship jokes
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
I don't have any friends.
If you like this, I can be your friend :)
Why do orphans like to have sex?
So they can finally have someone to call "daddy."
Boy: I'm dead.
Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?
Boy: No, I was just born this way.
Life is like a penis.
Women make it hard.
What do you call a gay man that performs fellatio on a man and cunnilingus on a woman, a person who is curious about male bisexuality, a man that is bicurious?
Does it cycle now?
Why can’t an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call “daddy.”
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
My mum.
Hey Gwen, let's chat from 1:00 p.m. to 2:00! Love, Prince 🌹
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
"Want to see if it fits?"
A family of three, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom.
“You’re right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son.
“The lie isn’t that you’re adopted,” says the dad.
Gwen, I thought you would be with me if Prince broke up with you... :((((((