Relationship jokes
I don't have any friends.
If you like this, I can be your friend :)
I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
As a brother, I have to report my sister has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great personality.
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
Why did the orphan turn gay?
A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."
Your hairline goes further back than your mum's divorce.
What do you call two AI systems that are in love with each other? Member of chat LGBT.
Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they can't call anyone their dad.
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?
At least the mountain has two hills.