Relationship jokes

I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.

I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.

When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.

Highest level of insult by a girl by seeing a guy's dick:

"I can shit bigger logs than that thing of your's" 🤣

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

"Hey, today was great."

"What happened?"

"I ran into my ex today."

"What's so great about that?"

"I was in my car."

Why does an orphan cry when we say "ur mom?"

Because they have no mom.

Your mom laughs at your father, because he has an ugly wife.

Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not."

Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.

What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?

One is actually used.

Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.

Yo mama so old that she knew "The Outsiders" when they were "The Insiders."

I fucc mi brother.

Why do gay men want to eat each other's meat because meat is meat, and man has to eat meat?