Relationship jokes
Guess the joke.
Your girlfriend.
I was in the bedroom slapping your girl harder than Will at the Oscars.
Why do orphans not like July 24th??
Because it's Parents Day.
I broke up with my boyfriend and stole his wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back?
Girl: Dad, where are you?
Dad: I went to go get milk.
Girl: But we have milk.
Dad: I know, I just don't love you.
Memes
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.
Son: Dad, I'm gay.
Dad: I support you.
Son: I like you.
Dad: Get out and into my room!
I have 206 bones. When I look at you, I have 207.
I have an Uncle named Ricky, who made ur mom sticky.
His dad calls him pricky and everyone begs for his dicky.
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
Hi Leyla, I have been trying to reach you for a while. Where have you been? I was wondering if you wanted to chat.
Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "Daddy~"