Relationship jokes
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mother." "Duh!"
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
When your cousin dies and everybody thinks you're her.
FUCKING MENT
Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
About to go on a date.
But she was late.
So I got some tape.
And eventually punished her with rape.
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."
The best quote by Kim Jong Un:
"Meeting girl in park is good, but parking meat in girl is better."
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."
First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."
She replies, "Really original."
Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."
She replies, "Ew, gross."
Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."
Winner dog 3.
Hey, what do you call a beta simp?
You call me the beta simp.
Why did the boy kill his girlfriend?
Because he had a crush on her.
Isn't Barbie supposed to come with Ken?
Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes it with Ken.
Your mom walked into another bar and broke all the furniture. Again.
What do you call a simp, Adrian?
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"