Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?
Relationship Jokes
The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.
Why did the orphan take a selfie?
Because he wanted a family portrait.
My mom calls me.
Me: WHAT MOM?
No answer.
Me: WHAT?
My boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and I still have to ask him things like that because I'm so distracted from him.
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
Dear algebra,
I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
Your mom's my dad. Think about that!
My ex misses me, good thing she'll never hit me.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.
What are twins’ favorite fruit?
Pairs 🍐.
What do you call a mom that is yours?
Your mom!
Hi Mom, how are you doing?
I don't have any friends.
If you like this, I can be your friend :)
