Relationship jokes

Blonde 1: Omg! Yesterday, I fucked a Brazilian!

Blonde 2: OMG YOU SLUT

Also Blonde 2: Wait, how much is a Brazilian?

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

Why did Obama marry Michelle?

Because he's into chicks with dicks.

Wife: Honey, I love you.

Husband: I love you all.

Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!

What did the cell say when it was dividing?

"It's not you, it's me."

My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.

Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?

Person: Yea, why?

Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

Cameron and Pav.

Ur mom gay.

She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!

I like my women like my family, they’re related.

Dishwasher rape is another word for marital obligations.

Your mom's hot.

My mom smashed my Xbox, so I smashed her daughter. 😏

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."