Relationship jokes
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
Your hairline goes further back than your mum's divorce.
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?
At least the mountain has two hills.
What do you call two AI systems that are in love with each other? Member of chat LGBT.
Memes
For you
Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they can't call anyone their dad.
The other day my wife told me to pass her her lipstick, but I accidently passed her a glue stick... she still isn't talking to me.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be the dolphin, you can be the jellyfish.
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
Your mama is so ugly! It took your dad 15 years to return from getting milk.