Relationship jokes
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.
So I brought her a new bathroom scale.
I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.
I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.
In a lesbian relationship, which feminazi cooks?
None, both carpet munchers eat out.
Girls: Boys are like games, they're meant to get played.
Boys: Girls are like stones, the flat ones get skipped.
What’s the difference between milk and the air?
At least the air will always be there for me.
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."
Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.
Why is the older brother's kid brother that has autism always performing fellatio on his older brother?
Because he wants to find out how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.