Relationship jokes
What's the difference between normal sex and anal sex?
One makes your whole day and one makes your hole weak.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"
Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
Today, I asked my phone "Siri" why am I still single, and it activated the front camera.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
Me: Truth or dare?
Crush: Dare.
Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.
Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.
Me: Ok, what is your phone number?
A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.
Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
Why are life and a penis alike?
Women make both of them hard.
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.