One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.
I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
Relationship Jokes
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.
Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.
