Relationship jokes
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?
Your mom can't take a joke.
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?
The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.
The gay couple was still packing their shit.
I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.
Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In this world of chaos, I find peace with you.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.
The best and worst part about being bi:
Best: Double the love, double the fun.
Worst: Double the love, double the loneliness.
Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.
That's why he married Courtney Love.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.