Relationship jokes
Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.
Three guys walk into a bar: one Asian, one American, one Black.
A girl walks in and says if all three of your D*** sizes don't add up to 12 inches, I will shoot you.
First comes the American with 3 inches, then the Black man with 8.
It totals out to 11 and they look at the Asian and say "Oh no."
He comes to 1 inch to top off the twelve.
She walks away and says ok.
The Asian says, "You're lucky she was hot, so I had a boner!"
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.
(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)
It's like your hairline and your forehead had a disagreement.
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.
How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.
I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!
Me be like: ;-;
What's another name for an Incel? A feminist.
What do you say after committing incest? No Chromo!
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.
Me, my brother, and my dad.
Why does my girlfriend have a dick? Oh wait, I'm gay.
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."
Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."
Bully: "Haha, nice joke."
Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."
Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."
Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."
Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.
Abbie: I had sex with dad.
Mom: Go die in a hole!