Relationship jokes

Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

What is the difference between your dad and a video game?

Your dad doesn’t beat you.

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?

"Wanna hang together?"

Son: Dad, where are you?

Dad: Getting another one.

Son: Getting what?

Dad: Dad.

How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?

They flip it over.

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?

He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.