Relationship jokes
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
Your mom.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.
Memes
That do be me though
Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
What do guns and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"
When you're watching "Gnomeo and Juliet 2" and your dad walks in on the gnome shaking his butt.
Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call "daddy."
I look at an orphanage, then hug my mum. He just looks sad and crude because he couldn’t find his mum.
You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"
Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.
So I threw a coconut at her.
Why don't orphans understand dad jokes?
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
What is the other word for an orphan?
Paren't.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"