Do you have a halo?
'Cause I can give it to you.
Relationship Jokes
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.
Why do orphans love tennis? It's the only love they get.
In tennis, 0 points is love.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In this world of chaos, I find peace with you.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"
"A friend with weed is a friend indeed."
A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?
The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.
The gay couple was still packing their shit.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.
So I brought her a new bathroom scale.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
