Relationship jokes

"Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it."

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call "daddy."

I look at an orphanage, then hug my mum. He just looks sad and crude because he couldn’t find his mum.

Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

Why don't orphans understand dad jokes?

What is the other word for an orphan?

Paren't.

You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.

So she gave me a hug.

I bought this happy birthday card for this orphan.

To: The Orphan

From: ______

His gay ass dad.

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

My girlfriend left me today for spending my own money. What a bitch! I spend a fair amount of money on her for her clothes and Air Force Ones, but as soon as I spend $100 on hookers, she leaves me.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.

"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.

"Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"

What do guns and gum have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.

What is the difference between your dad and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.