Relationship jokes
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Dating a German is great because they don't play mind games; they just provide a detailed, 40-page PDF explaining exactly why you are wrong.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.
You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
I think I found the worst joke in life. For me, it's that I have always been unwanted and alone for my whole life, and I've never even been in a relationship with anyone, and I'm 31 years old, and I also know that deep down, I'm always going to be alone and unhappy. All I get out of life is seeing everyone else with someone and knowing it will never happen for me. I think that's the worst joke I can think of... LIFE.
Still living when you know you'll never find someone to be with.
I apologize with the wording to this; it's another thing I am a failure at.
Feel free to comment.
I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.
What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
Why was the chicken black and the other were white? Adoption!
Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They don't know who daddy is.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not your dad?"
These two guys were at a bar flirting with these girls. The guy says, "Are you a parking ticket, 'cause you got fine written all over you?"
The girl turns and says, "How about you pay for them, and then I can pay you back with me getting all over you?"
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.
Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror, her reflection threw up and ran away.
A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"