Relationship jokes

What did Michael Jackson say before he broke up with Billie Jean?

"Billie Jean is not my lover!"

Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"

Way down South: "You awake, mom?"

Why are wives also called a housekeeper?

Because after the divorce, they keep the house.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

Roses are red, violets are blue, When I see you, I play with my poo.

What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

They both can't be found.

Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."

Tyler: "Why?"

Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.

What is the difference between a normal joke and a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

Imagine not having parents. Lol.

Hate me all you want, but I gotta say, this whole thing with Gwen and TJ is ridiculous.

Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.

What do you call an orphan's family photo?

A selfie.

Some dude called me a tool.

So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right :/

I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.

Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?

Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?

Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.

Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.

5 minutes later

Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?

Teacher, the one sucking it?

Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.