Relationship jokes
What do you do when your man doesn't like fruit jokes?
Let the mango.
My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "daddy."
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
Why do people have sex?
Because they like going "Ahhhhhhhhhhh fuck me, bitch, I love you!"
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis? A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
An adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid approaches him. He says the emo kid, "Do you have rope?"
"No," replies the adopted kid.
"Dang it! I hate you," says the emo kid. "Now the adopted one is angry. Well, at least I'm loved," says the adopted kid.
If you know an emo kid, please stay away. The depression is contagious. I'm a survivor.
Like if you dislike emos.
Why can’t orphans date?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
What did Ron put in his diary?
I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.
"You momo joso fat, she went in the ocean and the whales came up to her and started singing, ""We Are Family"" even though you are father than me."
So I was doing a puzzle, and I was getting triggered with it. My friend said, "It's puzzling why you're so triggered."
I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.
That one depressed friend.
Shaenaya is single, 16, and looking for a 30 year old man that can pleasure her, huh?
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.