Relationship jokes

"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."

And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"

What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?

We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."

How do you know when you're disliked?

When they always give you the camera for group photos.

Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.

My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.

I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.

He hugged me!

Love you baby :^

Why do trees always gotta leave me hanging?

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

Yeah, Eli is hot.

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”

Mert has no dad.

Raihan fucks Ahmed who fucks Zupporah.

What did the baseball ⚾️ say to the bat?

“We should touch base.”