Relationship jokes
Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
Your nan.
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo? A selfie.
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?
'Cause it's a place to eat.
Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.
What’s the best thing about a blowjob?
The ten minutes of silence.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
"WASSUP GIRLS IF I FIND YOU I'LL GLADLY FUCK YOU;]"