Relationship jokes

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

I wish death was in the form of a woman.

That way, it would never come for me.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

Marry or don't marry, you will regret both!

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.

Why is it that skinny men like fat women?

Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.

What are the similarities between a blind person and an orphan?

Neither can see their parents.

Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?

Dr. Seuss dark jokes.

Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!

Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.

Yo mama is so fat your dad could never get away.

If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?

Girl: I’m so in love with you!

Boy: Me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot.

Girl: What’s the ijk?

Boy: I’m just kidding.

You know why I only date disabled people? Cause they can't get away.

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

That shirt's very becoming on you.

If I were on you, I’d be coming too.