Relationship jokes

What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.

What does an orphan call a family picture?

Answer: a selfie.

When I say, "Daddy," my stepbrother raises his head.

Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

Denki: Hey, Mineta, I have a joke for you.

Mineta: Go on.

Denki: Uraraka's booty.

Mineta: I don't get it.

Denki: Exactly.

Mineta: ^cries T_T^

They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.

When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?

I think that you're an accident!

You must have a good power supply, because you're easy to turn on!

What do you call an orphan taking a family photo? A selfie.

Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

My dad is nice!

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.

It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.

She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.

Your nan.

Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!

Edna: Hey there big boy!

Big boy: You need to stop doing this.

What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.

Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...

Man: Men have to deal with women.