Relationship jokes
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
You see, my son is very into astronomy.
Son: How do stars die?
Dad: Usually overdose, son.
I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.
What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?
Land ho!
"Fuck me."
That's what she said.
Why did most orphans become prostitutes?
Because they wanted a daddy.
some say lil durk and king von were friend's, but others say they were cousin's. HELP ME OUT which is it.
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!
Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!
Roses are red, My friend is choking. That stupid bitch shouldn't have eaten my muffin.
What's the best part about having sex with twenty-seven year olds?
There's twenty of them!
Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.
What would a gay man do for free that a heterosexual woman that is a whore won't do for $50.00 for a heterosexual man?
Suck his balls.
Son: Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!
Mom: YOU HAVE CANCER?!
Son: Mom, as my zodiac symbol...
Mom:....
I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.