Relationship jokes
Man, I don’t need Viagra when I see Mara!
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
That one depressed friend.
Me calling the orphan kid from school: "Hello, are your parents home?"
The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* "STOP CALLING HERE!"
You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.
Why did the orphan become gay? Because he wanted to call someone "daddy."