My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?
Relationship Jokes
My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and went right.
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.
Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.
I want my first time to be special.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
