Relationship jokes

I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.

He hugged me!

Love you baby :^

How do you know when you're disliked?

When they always give you the camera for group photos.

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.

My wife asked me to connect more on my feminine side. So I crashed our car and fucked my trainer.

Blossom: Why are we dating the Rowdyruffs when we're technically siblings?

Bubbles:...

Buttercup: I don't know, but those people over there are lookin' at us weird.

Alabama: 😈

What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

You twin towers because I'm tryna ram in you tonight.

What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?

I haven’t banged a hooker.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I have a traitor friend, and that is YOU.

Why is an orphan bad at tennis?

'Cause he couldn't get any love.

You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.

Why did the orphan become gay? Because he wanted to call someone "daddy."

We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.