Relationship jokes

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and went right.

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?

What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

You twin towers because I'm tryna ram in you tonight.

Blossom: Why are we dating the Rowdyruffs when we're technically siblings?

Bubbles:...

Buttercup: I don't know, but those people over there are lookin' at us weird.

Alabama: 😈

What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.

That one depressed friend.

Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.

Me calling the orphan kid from school: "Hello, are your parents home?"

The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* "STOP CALLING HERE!"

Why is an orphan bad at tennis?

'Cause he couldn't get any love.

You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.

Why did the orphan become gay? Because he wanted to call someone "daddy."