Relationship jokes

Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a day?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Will you remember me in a year?

Mom: Yes.

Boy: Knock knock.

Mom: Who's there?

Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.

Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite.

Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they have no one to call "daddy."

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

What did the snail say to his ex-wife?

"I'm still leaving you!"

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.

If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.

(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.

You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.

Who makes the best anteaters?

Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)

Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.

Girl: Your card got declined.

Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.

What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.

Why can’t orphans have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?

"I'm sorry, I just had to."

Bf: Hey, what ya doing?

Gf: Just lying in bed.

Bf: Just lying in bed?

Gf: And eating cereal.

Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?

Gf: Eat my cereal.

Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.

Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.

I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.