Relationship jokes

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.

What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.

My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.

Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.

How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.

What do you call an orphan's family reunion?

Alone time.

Wife: I’m pregnant.

Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad.

Wife: No, you’re not.

What did the girl and the orphan have in common? Their parents weren't home.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.

What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?

Geico saves you more.

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."

I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.

I like telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

My Wife: How much do you love me??

Me: Count all the stars.

My Wife: Aww, infinity.

Me: No, a waste of time.

My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

What do you call an orphan’s picture?

A family photo.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.