Relationship jokes

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

What do you call an orphan's family picture? A self-portrait.

If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.

(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."

Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they have no one to call "daddy."

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,

It's great being a sniper.

If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.

If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

BF: Babe, I have two questions.

GF: Ok, ask!

BF: Where have you been all my life?

GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?

BF: Can you please go back there?

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.

What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?

Geico saves you more.

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.

Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite.

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."

The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."

What did the snail say to his ex-wife?

"I'm still leaving you!"