Relationship jokes
Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
My parents love me.
POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
The best night of my life was when I gave my virginity to my wife, and her last word was when she called me "Mommy" at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.
I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.
Dad: How was your trip to the park?
Daughter: It was good until the man came along.
Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?
Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...
Dad: Oh God, what next?
Daughter: Nothing, that was it.
Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?
"Need help packing your shit?"
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
What makes a nuke and divorce the same?
It only takes one of each to end your life.
Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.
*The next day*
Uncle: F*CK!
Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”
Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?
Sans: Measuring your patience.
Papyrus: Grunts
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
What does your mum have in common with your dad?
They are both men.
What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
Who needs sex when they have Valorant?
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.