Relationship jokes
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
Roses are red, your penis is blue, the bed sheet has turned a different color, too.
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
Memes
A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"
He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him having sex? "You're wheelie good at this!"
Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?
A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.
My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,
And Jill screamed "Chill!"
Here is a good joke: asking for consent before sex.
Why are lesbians so bad at math? They can't multiply.
I've been told I've got a perfect cock.
She sure was hard on me when I took it from her, though.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
Pickup line for gay people:
Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?
Me & my dad!
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they won't find anybody to call "daddy."
Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?
They’re just two weeks to quit.