Relationship jokes
Your mom.
Your dad!
Are you still a virgin?
If you do IT
With no one?
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
Grandma: When we go to a wedding, whispers, "You're next."
At a funeral, I whisper, "You're next."
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I have a traitor friend, and that is YOU.
I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.
Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?
Your sister is your mother.
Your father is your brother.
You all shag one another.
The Inbred family.
What's long, hard, and full of semen?
Answer: Me.
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
Your hairline goes so far back your dad didn't leave.
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.