Relationship jokes
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
Your hairline goes so far back your dad didn't leave.
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.
Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.
My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.
Friends = your power level.
Emo kid = power level: 0000.
My math teacher keeps telling me to find his x. It's kinda creepy.
Why did the woman want a boyfriend at least 2 🦶 taller?
So she could feel like a little girl and fulfill her rape fantasy.
Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.
Shitmate: You’re so shitable.
Me: Bring banana ice cream.
Shitmate: Never happening.
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
I am gay, is that ok?
I be on top sucking dick all day. I make him bust every day.
I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?
I haven’t banged a hooker.
Boy, if you don't get your "I'm Burger King with my Burger Queen!"
There was an orphan once, and someone knocks on his door and said, "Hello, son, come and hug me." But the orphan says, "Excuse me, who are you?" and the guy says, "You don't remember me? I'm your dad." And then the orphan says, "Fine then, if you're really my dad, come inside and let me ask you some questions." And the man says, "OK then, but I am really your dad." Then the orphan asked some questions to the man, and the man gets some of them right, so the orphan believes that the man is his dad. And then the orphan says, "You really are my dad?" and then he shows his dad his house, and the orphan has a roommate, and the dad and the orphan finally get to the bedroom, and then the dad knocks out the orphan, and then the dad starts to have something with the orphan/son, and the roommate hears weird noises in the orphan's/son's room, and he walks in and sees them having sex, and the roommate records it but then kicks the dad out of the house, and then the roommate shares the video to the orphan's school chat, and then the next day the dad gets arrested because he was actually a gay nonce, and everybody at the orphan's school calls him gay, but he really isn't, but since he was mad and disgusted, he pulled an AK47 out of his bag and kills everybody in the school and was never seen again.
Btw this is a joke so don't take it seriously.
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
Your hairline goes so far back it left before your dad did.
What has 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 breasts for milking, and a hole to fill with my 9 inches?
A sexy female.
My sister: You were born ugly.
Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.