I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."
Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.
Relationship Jokes
Are your forehead and your hairline best friends because they look like they go way back?
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
Like if your dad is abusive.
I feel wrong. What does this make us?
Still cousins.
What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?
They both fell on my dad.
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
His gay ass dad.
Are you a marry, because you are my mother?
Why did you and Sarah break up?
'Cause she cheetahed on me.
If an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.
Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3
I love you like my cuts.
Deeply.
Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
Your mom said, "Can you get to the dick game?"
Hey, if you've watched Twilight with Edward, Bella, and Jacob, then here's something for you.
Do you think Bella should have gotten with Jacob? I think she should have, ngl.
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.
