Relationship jokes
What’s the difference between women and condoms?
There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.
What's between a wife and a husband?
A divorce.
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right now.
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?
Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.
Tyler: I thought you never asked.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
"Fuck me."
That's what she said.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
It's not my fault my cousin's hot ;) YEE YEE
Your mom gay.
I lick cows for my mother.
All these oranges, but you're still the one for me.
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
Your family.
Angus' love life.
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.