Relationship jokes
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
Your mom gay.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Your mom's asshole.
Your mom is fat.
Oooo, roasted!
When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."
My son.
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."
What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?
My penis.
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.
What did the boy say to the girl? "Damn! You pissy, stank!"
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!
I have a son. Her name is Zara.
I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
Your mum!
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.
When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"