Relationship jokes
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.
Well, I don't have a joke but... I have a poem.
My dick is red, your pussy is blue. I... lied to you.
What's two lesbians in a tent?
A finger hut.
Stephen Hawking was an unfaithful man. He had an affair with Alexa.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
What does Stephen King call his wife...
The black hole.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
Your mom gay.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Your mom's asshole.
Your mom is fat.
Oooo, roasted!
When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."
My son.
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."
What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?
My penis.
What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?
Her abortion.