Relationship jokes
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
Trystan Leonard is going out with Katelynn O'Toole.
My nan's gayyyyyy.
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
Come on guys, this is nasty, he was my uncle, ffs :(
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
Your mum gay, lol.
My mum.
Why does Sally hate herself? Because Sophie stole her boy.
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.
Well, I don't have a joke but... I have a poem.
My dick is red, your pussy is blue. I... lied to you.
What's two lesbians in a tent?
A finger hut.
Stephen Hawking was an unfaithful man. He had an affair with Alexa.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
What does Stephen King call his wife...
The black hole.
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"