A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."
The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"
The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."
What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?
"I'd hit that."
One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.
My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.
We never met again.
Why did Brandon harass Sydney because she didn't want to eat his foreskin?
Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
Why does Adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed?
Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."
A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"
The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."
Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?
"Alcohol, you later!"
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
