Relationship jokes
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
What do frogs wear for shoes? Open toad.
What does your mom say to you? "Love you, moody."
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
My wife thinks I'm immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
Bully: Agh, you're ugly!
Me: Said your mom when you were born.
You will never have a girlfriend.
I have some words that might make sense to girls, but maybe not to boys, ready?
smart
kind
sweet
caring
loving
mature
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
Your mom said I was ugly. I told her she couldn’t see her belly button because she was so fat. She said, “I thought I was the only one without one!”
My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.
Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
What did one cheese say to the other cheese?
"Hello, it's a nice day, do you have any plans on what you're going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.
You want to hear a joke?
Your mom.
Remember kids, ejaculate, then evacuate.
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?