Relationship jokes

"I will Always Love You!"

What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?

Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.

Why do people have sex?

Because they like going "Ahhhhhhhhhhh fuck me, bitch, I love you!"

If sex before marriage is a sin, is sex after marriage cos or tan?

What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.

My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"

My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."

What do you think of your mom? I can do it.

What does an astronaut call his ex from space?

SpaceX.

Why can’t someone say "ur mums gay" to an orphan? Because he doesn’t have a mum.

He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.

He's now my sister.

Let’s stick together!

My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.

That's cringe, bro. The ex weas pisitive.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!

Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.

Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.

Me: Guess who came crawling right back?

My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"

Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?

Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.