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Relationship

Relationship jokes

My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.

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    • What does Nemo have in common with my dad?

    They both can't be found.

    Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.

    When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

    This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

    If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.

    I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

    She is not “fun to be around.”

    Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”

    Man: “Am I dying?”

    Doctor: “No, your wife is.”

    Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

    My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.

    She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”

    Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

    Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

    Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.